More words to avoid, or how to avoid an argument. November 27, 2006
A while ago I discussed some of the words to avoid in sales.
There are more of the same for any environment – particually management.
One particularly nasty version that I encounter often is:
Other person: “My idea is …”
Manager: “I Understand, But…”
It makes me just want to slap the manager in question.
Just in case it’s not apparent to you, dear reader, the manager has just insulted the other person (you’ll often hear it with the manager cutting the other person off mid statement), and then ignoring everything that was just said to restate their own agenda.
Just imagine for the moment that you’re the other person and was responded to in this way. What is your response? Chances are you’ll restate your initial idea, and then the manager will restate theirs. Back and forth we go, usually to end in anger, frustration and a degrading relationship.
But, (that word is useful when used purposefully) there are some simple changes that can be made in the managers (or your own) response that will ensure the communication and relationship continues.
First replace the ‘understand’ with ‘respect’, ‘appreciate’ or ‘agree’.
Second replace the ‘but’ with ‘and’.
Going through that same conversation again:
Other person: “My idea is …”
Manager: “I appreciate that and …”
Nothing else needs to be different and suddenly the communication is very different.
If you have read more of my writing, you will know that this is not just limited to managers. You can use this with angry customers, upset friends and even family members to defuse a conflict.
Technorati Tags: Business, Change, Communication, Management, Negotiation, Persuasion, Psychology
The Secret of Motivation November 20, 2006
The secret of motivation is the sequence of action:
Most people think the sequence is Motivation first, and then Action.
The real way it works is Action first, Motivation then follows.
So next time you need motivation for something, commit to do it for 5 minutes.
Kathy hints at this here
Seth mentions similar here
Technorati Tags: Brain, Business, Change, Communication, Motivation, Productivity, Psychology, Stress
Do you know the easiest ways to annoy someone? November 15, 2006
Do you know the easiest way to make someone comfortable?
In any personal interaction the distance between the other person has a dramatic effect on their feelings and sense of safety.
Take for example a door to door salesmen. If you open the door to a salesman, and they move towards you, and put a foot against the door, how do you feel? Alternatively if they step back when you open the door how do you feel? I’m fairly sure you will be like anyone else and stepping back will instantly reduces the threat the salesman caused by arriving unannounced. May not remove it, but defiantly better than stepping forward. This means, you move from a stressful state, into a more comfortable state, while looking at the salesman’s face.
On the opposite side of the scale, pets have a special place in our life. They can, with almost complete immunity, literally walk all over us. We allow them into our intimate space.
The distances where people are comfortable changes dramatically between culture, race, gender, and even city. In most of the English speaking world, these distances are roughly the same. The intimate zone is touching the body, out to about 20-30 centimetres. Social contact is most comfortable between 30cm and under a meter.
These distances change regularly during the day. For example, stepping into a full lift the distances are altered. Notice, that in the western world the lift will fill until the maximum amount of people can enter without touching.
To have an experience of these distances, visit a clothing store and ask for assistance to try things on. When talking to the sales assistant stand over two meters away. They will naturally move towards you, which will force you to move away again. They will (in most cases) chase you around the store. Resist your natural tendency to allow them to approach. After a few minutes, reverse your behaviour and stand almost toe to toe. This will be uncomfortable for you (and them), and now you will chase them around the store.
(Cautionary note: This will create tension in the interaction. In some cases this might be considered sexual tension when done with the opposite sex, and sometimes the same sex. The reason for this is that this game of pushing in and pulling away just happens to be played by courting couples as they become more comfortable with each other and grant access into their Intimate Zone. Given that caution I actively encourage you to do all the experiments I suggest – the information I offer is worthless without direct experience to understand what it means for you.)
You can also do this while in a lift. Stand in different corners. Stand closer to someone else in the lift. Stand in the centre. Stand right at the doors. Notice what the other people do.
There is much more to explore with this topic. Like how to instantly get attention, make people more comfortable with you, and how to break off a conversation. Feel free to share some of your own experiences!
Technorati Tags: Business, CEO, Communication, Leadership, Management, Negotiation, Persuasion, Presenting, Psychology
How to learn and apply new things fast. November 2, 2006
When you want to learn and apply skills fast don’t ask these questions (silently or otherwise):
“Where will this not work?”
“Is this useful for me?”
“Why am I reading/listening/watching this?”
Instead ask:
“Where can I apply this?”
“How is this useful for me?”
“How can I use this?”
“How do I apply this in my life?”
“How can I make this work for me?”
Technorati Tags: Brain, Change, Learning, Motivation, Productivity