Do you know the easiest ways to annoy someone? November 15, 2006
Do you know the easiest way to make someone comfortable?
In any personal interaction the distance between the other person has a dramatic effect on their feelings and sense of safety.
Take for example a door to door salesmen. If you open the door to a salesman, and they move towards you, and put a foot against the door, how do you feel? Alternatively if they step back when you open the door how do you feel? I’m fairly sure you will be like anyone else and stepping back will instantly reduces the threat the salesman caused by arriving unannounced. May not remove it, but defiantly better than stepping forward. This means, you move from a stressful state, into a more comfortable state, while looking at the salesman’s face.
On the opposite side of the scale, pets have a special place in our life. They can, with almost complete immunity, literally walk all over us. We allow them into our intimate space.
The distances where people are comfortable changes dramatically between culture, race, gender, and even city. In most of the English speaking world, these distances are roughly the same. The intimate zone is touching the body, out to about 20-30 centimetres. Social contact is most comfortable between 30cm and under a meter.
These distances change regularly during the day. For example, stepping into a full lift the distances are altered. Notice, that in the western world the lift will fill until the maximum amount of people can enter without touching.
To have an experience of these distances, visit a clothing store and ask for assistance to try things on. When talking to the sales assistant stand over two meters away. They will naturally move towards you, which will force you to move away again. They will (in most cases) chase you around the store. Resist your natural tendency to allow them to approach. After a few minutes, reverse your behaviour and stand almost toe to toe. This will be uncomfortable for you (and them), and now you will chase them around the store.
(Cautionary note: This will create tension in the interaction. In some cases this might be considered sexual tension when done with the opposite sex, and sometimes the same sex. The reason for this is that this game of pushing in and pulling away just happens to be played by courting couples as they become more comfortable with each other and grant access into their Intimate Zone. Given that caution I actively encourage you to do all the experiments I suggest - the information I offer is worthless without direct experience to understand what it means for you.)
You can also do this while in a lift. Stand in different corners. Stand closer to someone else in the lift. Stand in the centre. Stand right at the doors. Notice what the other people do.
There is much more to explore with this topic. Like how to instantly get attention, make people more comfortable with you, and how to break off a conversation. Feel free to share some of your own experiences!
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- Posted in : Management, Psychology, Persuasion, Business
- Author : Michael
Comments»
The other fun test of personal space is to stand in the elevator and face everyone else (your back to the doors). Again, you might provoke some hostility, but it’s interesting to see how sensitive people are to their space.
Great article Michael!