How to silence your internal dialogue December 11, 2006
Your infernal internal dialogue can be brought under control. You might, at this time, think that it doesn’t slow you down that much. I can assure you, unless you have control over it, it does.
Some examples of how internal dialogue hamstrings you include:
- Reading speed is doubled if you don’t internally verbalise the words you are reading.
- You are able to reach a place of Flow much easier and your Flow states are extended (one of the most common interrupter of flow states is Internal Dialogue)
- It is often a common cause of insomnia.
- It impairs your learning by distracting you from the learning environment and by stuffing whatever the current topic is into what you already know (This is not what I consider learning).
- It often increases the stress you experience.
- It serves as a powerful de-motivator. How many times have you talked yourself out of something?
There are many more examples of how your performance can improve once you stop talking to yourself. Internal dialogue has it’s place I want you to understand that. Unfortunately most of us over use our internal dialogue, at the wrong times and wrong places.
I had breakfast the other day with friends who have an 8 month old child. I was awed by the silence in her (One of the common experiences that occurs when your internal dialogue is off, is that you can sense other people’s). She was simply there, watching, learning and experiencing the world. Of course, being 8 months old, she does not yet have the capability for any dialogue, let alone internal. And after reading Kathy Sierra I decided to build this list.
So without further delay, here is a list of methods you can use to get control over this internal dialogue. When I remember or find more, I’ll add them to the list. If you have any of your own, please add them in the comments!
- Restate your internal dialogue immediately after hearing it. This brings your internal dialogue under your conscious control by breaking the pattern.
- Move the location of your internal dialogue into your voice box. Most people listen to their dialogue coming from a specific location. Often from the back of their head and off to one side. Move that location to where you physically speak from and it usually silences the chat.
- You can also extend on #2 by moving the voice to different locations for different effects. Some locations work great for motivating you, others for de-motivating. Experiment.
- Further on #2 and #3, you can externalise the voice. Set up a chair, and hear the voice coming from that chair. You can then have a proper conversation with it!
- Pick a personal mantra, then use it. “Shut the hell up” is one such mantra:-)
- Not really a method, but helps understanding. Who, when your internal dialogue is chattering away, are you speaking to?
- Using the 6-step reframing method from NLP. This method uses a signal system to set up with your unconscious mind that allows you to negotiate the times and places to turn on or off your internal alogue.
- Imagining a volume control knob. Turn up the volume of your internal dialogue, and turn it all the way down.
- If you have internal dialogue that you don’t like very much, changing the tone often helps. Turn the tone into the most seductive, most sensual voice you can imagine. How do you feel about it now?
- While rare, sometimes the voice we hear is actually another voice – a parent for example. In these cases, give the voice back to the original owner.
- Writing out the words your internal dialogue speaks often helps. Usually it runs out of things to say very quickly. With critical statements, you can also then write out counter examples stating how untrue or over generalised these statements are.
- Act. If there is something that you want to do, for example talking to a stranger, hesitation will ensure you talk yourself out of whatever action you considered. If you hear that voice, ignore it and act.
- Remember the silence. While you read this sentence, I want you to read it out loud. Half way through a word in a sentence, pause. You mind will, naturally, go on silent hold. Remember this ‘feeling’ and you can bring it back when you want by doing the same with your internal dialogue. With proper practice, you can keep that pause indefinitely.
- Wide peripheral vision. Imagine you are balancing an apple on the top of your head. Now move the apple about 2 inches back. Keep your attention on the apple. Now look at the world around you and notice your hands on the keyboard, the top of the monitor, the walls on your left and right and the other objects around you. Notice them all at the same time. Chances are your internal dialogue has quietened down.
Add your comments with your own methods for silencing the harshest of critics!
Technorati Tags: Brain, Change, Communication, Learning, Motivation, Psychology, Stress
- Posted in : Change, Learning, Mind, Motivation, Psychology, Stress
- Author : Michael
Comments»
the “pause technique is good”. however, whenever i pause my dialogue, my breathing stops as well. i don’t want to hold my pause till i die, what do you suggest?”
Best not to hold your breath for too long, though it does suggest your internal dialogue and your breathing is connected.
As a suggestion to be able to breathe when stopping your internal dialogue this way; when you pause, focus on the internal silence that arrives and then slowly breathe in. Similar to when you are reading out loud and arrive at a full stop or comma, you stop speaking and breathe in.
Chances are the first few times you do this, your internal dialogue will start back up. With a little practice you can extend the time before it starts again.
[...] the methods for shutting off your own internal dialogue. Sometimes we are having a conversation in our own mind while waiting for the other person to stop [...]
this is indeed good, “pause technique:”
I have no problem to reach a period of silence, and sustain it for say, a period of 40 or 50 seconds, perhaps even minutes, if you can count time while you are not speaking to yourself.
My problem is to sustain silence for longer periods of time. When silent there seems to be no purpose, kind of, get bored. And therefore I think of something, thus starting the internal dialogue, until I realize I am thinking again, and silence myself again, until something comes along and start thinking.
What I think I mean, being silent does not keep me silent.
Tomas,
This is a different, but related issue.
Many of us use internal dialogue to understand the world. “There is a tree. See that bird sitting in the tree. The wind is moving the branches…” On and on it goes.
If you’re not used to interacting with the world without this ongoing description, then it takes time and effort to learn a new way.
Boredom is another part of this. Many years ago, when I was much younger and stuck inside on a rainy day. I’d tell my parents I was bored and they would suggest I draw some pictures, play with Lego, read a book or something else. Everything they suggested I replied with ‘No, that’s boring…’
Yet at other times, each of those suggestions were (and still are) engaging and definitely not boring. What makes the difference?
The easiest answer is that boredom is ‘a state of mind’. You have the choice to be bored, or not bored; regardless of what you are currently doing. Can you imagine being engaged fully in watching paint dry? Can you imagine being bored while parachuting? If you could, what would that mean?
One of the side effects of silencing my internal dialogue is engaging with the world more. If you don’t yet realise this is happening, you can slip back into old habits and become bored. So make the decision and if you find yourself becoming bored, engage more with what’s happening around you – I find that much more interesting than my own internal dialogue…
I have the same problem with breathing even though I am quite I hear the voice of my internal dialoge breathing aloud as I breath there is never a quiet moment…is the right? How do I get peace?
Nayas,
You can hear your internal dialogue breathing? Great!
If you want silence for good, get your internal dialogue to hold it’s breath for 5 minutes. Your internal dialogue will suffocate….
It’s a flippant answer, but holds the keys. Reread point 13 in the post and follow the suggestions.
When you pause, your internal dialogue will pause as well. It might only be for a very short time though. That small fraction of a second is enough to start with. Every time you do it, practice extending that time. With only a little dedicated practice, you will be able to extend that time to a few seconds and then quickly to a minute or two.
My issue, strange as it sounds, is music. I always have a song in my head (c’mon baby light my fire right now) — the song isn’t always the same but it’s always there since I can remember. I don’t mind it so much but wonder what it would be like without a song in my head for once….
seriously – September 10, 2008
“My issue, strange as it sounds, is music. I always have a song in my head…”
I have this problem aswell. It bothers me the most when im trying to sleep. Something that usualy works is listening to a song that iv never heard before. That way i cant remember the lyrics and it usualy stops it.
Smoking weed definatly does not help me with any internal dialogue. In my oppinion, It would be something to avoid completly if you are having this problem. On the other hand i’v heard people say it stops it. Strange.
Anyway hope i could help with the music thing. And by the way i have “c’mon baby light my fire” stuck in my head now lol
very frequently i have no internal dialogue. i speak and act with out thinking. i can go for long periods of time without an internal voice. is this a kind of mental illness?
Allen,
Not at all – its quite natural actually.