Coaching the Uncoachable June 9, 2007
As someone who regularly coaches professionally I read with interest Seth Godin’s discussion on coaching the uncoachable. While I agree with his point, one of the main presuppositions in the post is just plain wrong.
He describes some of the symptoms of uncoachability and almost all of them imply that coaching is about the coach, when in facts it’s really about the person being coached. These symptoms also point to failures within the relationship between the coach and coachee.
* Challenging the credentials of the coach
This is a requirement. Of course, the challenge should be in regards to understanding how the coach can help your performance, not as a methods of discrediting their suggestions.
* Announcing that you’re being unfairly singled out
If a coach offers you a suggestion, you are being singled out. The coach (we hope) is professional enough to see in your behaviour things that can be improved or modified. It makes very little sense for the coach to single someone else out for your mistake.
* Pointing out, angrily, that the last few times, the coach was wrong
Yep, the coach may have been wrong in the past, and may be wrong now. It’s not about the coach, it’s about you.
* Identifying others who have succeeded without ever being coached
Yep. Those other people are not you. If your results are as good, or better than the person you identify, then we can discuss this further.
* Resisting a path merely because it was one identified by a coach
This is just ridiculous behaviour. The coach is there for your benefit, your improvement or the benefit of your team. If you want to act like a two year old child, is it any wonder that the coach begins to treat you like one. This, of course, just increases the difficulty and tension felt by both parties. Luckily, this behaviour is very easy to deal with by a competent coach.
Does this mean you roll over and do whatever the coach says? Of course not. It does mean you have to stop treating the coach like a parent and more like a peer. While this might cause different conflicts with your coach for a time, a professional coach will (should!) be able to modify their own behaviour to match.
Comments»
I too read Seth Godin’s article with interest. I believe another one of his presuppositions is wrong. Coaching is not about giving advice. As a professional coach, my experience is that coaching is about creating a relationship with the individual being coached that inspires them to make distinctions on their own that lead to reaching full potential. I have coached people to create amazing results in response to simple questions like, “What does this mean to you?” or “What would you have to believe for that to be true?” or “Are we talking about needs or wants?” or “What might happen if we proceed as planned?”
In response to the symptoms Seth identifies, the coach needs to recognize that the individual is merely reacting to an untrustful coaching relationship. The coach needs to provide safety and hear out the concerns of the individual. The coach also needs to understand the meanings and feelings beneath the concerns. Usually there are some valuable pearls to be found. By working with the concerns, the coach can establish trust, which often leads to a willingness to work on solutions. In the least, an agreement to disagree can be made. With some individuals, establishing trust can take time. However, rushing the process will only sabotage it.
Also, I have found that I have no right to presume that I’m credible merely because I’m the coach. Confident competence needs to be demonstrated, along with integrity, empathy, inspiration, and a willingness to take responsibility for the outcome while not owning it.
To be sure, some people are not coachable. Usually, their vision is directed elsewhere from the stated coaching assignment. If the coach is willing to understand what is at work, they can help determine whether the individual is a good fit for the assignment. If not, the individual is not wrong. However, they do need to be reassigned. The coach needs to have courage to make this call, and handle the situation with ultimate respect as changes are made.
Ron,
I completely agree. I’m very happy you brought these points up. I didn’t want to dig into these because I didn’t want to digress too much from Seth’s post. Very nice and thoughtful comment!
I think the point about trust is a good one. Perhaps here the problem is that you’re mainly talking about corporate coaching. Sometimes we need to back track with clients. Their perceived agenda is often not at all their real agenda. If you are working with their perceived agenda and not their real heart’s desires – which are no doubt frustrated, then you’re going to run into problems. Basically, you’re going to annoy the hell out of them.
Perhaps they come to you because they want to be salesman of the year. But is that so they earn a big bonus and can then buy the boat they’ve always dreamed of and begin to sail the seven seas?
Good rapport and trust helps uncover these secret heart’s desires.
The other situation where I’ve experienced difficulties with client cooperation is when they are polar responsive. They behave in a similar way to a two year old. Anything you suggest, they want the opposite. It’s up to the skill of a therapist to identify and work with this – as any parent can testify.
Love the blog,
best wishes, hari