Comments on: Coaching the Uncoachable http://www.toach.net/blog/2007/06/09/coaching-the-uncoachable/ Working as Expected Fri, 21 Jan 2011 23:26:54 +1100 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8 hourly 1 By: Hari http://www.toach.net/blog/2007/06/09/coaching-the-uncoachable/comment-page-1/#comment-34159 Hari Mon, 12 Jul 2010 20:52:06 +0000 http://www.toach.net/blog/2007/06/09/coaching-the-uncoachable/#comment-34159 I think the point about trust is a good one. Perhaps here the problem is that you're mainly talking about corporate coaching. Sometimes we need to back track with clients. Their perceived agenda is often not at all their real agenda. If you are working with their perceived agenda and not their real heart's desires - which are no doubt frustrated, then you're going to run into problems. Basically, you're going to annoy the hell out of them. Perhaps they come to you because they want to be salesman of the year. But is that so they earn a big bonus and can then buy the boat they've always dreamed of and begin to sail the seven seas? Good rapport and trust helps uncover these secret heart's desires. The other situation where I've experienced difficulties with client cooperation is when they are polar responsive. They behave in a similar way to a two year old. Anything you suggest, they want the opposite. It's up to the skill of a therapist to identify and work with this - as any parent can testify. Love the blog, best wishes, hari I think the point about trust is a good one. Perhaps here the problem is that you’re mainly talking about corporate coaching. Sometimes we need to back track with clients. Their perceived agenda is often not at all their real agenda. If you are working with their perceived agenda and not their real heart’s desires – which are no doubt frustrated, then you’re going to run into problems. Basically, you’re going to annoy the hell out of them.

Perhaps they come to you because they want to be salesman of the year. But is that so they earn a big bonus and can then buy the boat they’ve always dreamed of and begin to sail the seven seas?

Good rapport and trust helps uncover these secret heart’s desires.

The other situation where I’ve experienced difficulties with client cooperation is when they are polar responsive. They behave in a similar way to a two year old. Anything you suggest, they want the opposite. It’s up to the skill of a therapist to identify and work with this – as any parent can testify.

Love the blog,
best wishes, hari

]]> By: Michael http://www.toach.net/blog/2007/06/09/coaching-the-uncoachable/comment-page-1/#comment-1921 Michael Sat, 09 Jun 2007 11:41:39 +0000 http://www.toach.net/blog/2007/06/09/coaching-the-uncoachable/#comment-1921 Ron, I completely agree. I'm very happy you brought these points up. I didn't want to dig into these because I didn't want to digress too much from Seth's post. Very nice and thoughtful comment! Ron,

I completely agree. I’m very happy you brought these points up. I didn’t want to dig into these because I didn’t want to digress too much from Seth’s post. Very nice and thoughtful comment!

]]> By: Ron http://www.toach.net/blog/2007/06/09/coaching-the-uncoachable/comment-page-1/#comment-1920 Ron Sat, 09 Jun 2007 05:50:23 +0000 http://www.toach.net/blog/2007/06/09/coaching-the-uncoachable/#comment-1920 I too read Seth Godin's article with interest. I believe another one of his presuppositions is wrong. Coaching is not about giving advice. As a professional coach, my experience is that coaching is about creating a relationship with the individual being coached that inspires them to make distinctions on their own that lead to reaching full potential. I have coached people to create amazing results in response to simple questions like, "What does this mean to you?" or "What would you have to believe for that to be true?" or "Are we talking about needs or wants?" or "What might happen if we proceed as planned?" In response to the symptoms Seth identifies, the coach needs to recognize that the individual is merely reacting to an untrustful coaching relationship. The coach needs to provide safety and hear out the concerns of the individual. The coach also needs to understand the meanings and feelings beneath the concerns. Usually there are some valuable pearls to be found. By working with the concerns, the coach can establish trust, which often leads to a willingness to work on solutions. In the least, an agreement to disagree can be made. With some individuals, establishing trust can take time. However, rushing the process will only sabotage it. Also, I have found that I have no right to presume that I'm credible merely because I'm the coach. Confident competence needs to be demonstrated, along with integrity, empathy, inspiration, and a willingness to take responsibility for the outcome while not owning it. To be sure, some people are not coachable. Usually, their vision is directed elsewhere from the stated coaching assignment. If the coach is willing to understand what is at work, they can help determine whether the individual is a good fit for the assignment. If not, the individual is not wrong. However, they do need to be reassigned. The coach needs to have courage to make this call, and handle the situation with ultimate respect as changes are made. I too read Seth Godin’s article with interest. I believe another one of his presuppositions is wrong. Coaching is not about giving advice. As a professional coach, my experience is that coaching is about creating a relationship with the individual being coached that inspires them to make distinctions on their own that lead to reaching full potential. I have coached people to create amazing results in response to simple questions like, “What does this mean to you?” or “What would you have to believe for that to be true?” or “Are we talking about needs or wants?” or “What might happen if we proceed as planned?”

In response to the symptoms Seth identifies, the coach needs to recognize that the individual is merely reacting to an untrustful coaching relationship. The coach needs to provide safety and hear out the concerns of the individual. The coach also needs to understand the meanings and feelings beneath the concerns. Usually there are some valuable pearls to be found. By working with the concerns, the coach can establish trust, which often leads to a willingness to work on solutions. In the least, an agreement to disagree can be made. With some individuals, establishing trust can take time. However, rushing the process will only sabotage it.

Also, I have found that I have no right to presume that I’m credible merely because I’m the coach. Confident competence needs to be demonstrated, along with integrity, empathy, inspiration, and a willingness to take responsibility for the outcome while not owning it.

To be sure, some people are not coachable. Usually, their vision is directed elsewhere from the stated coaching assignment. If the coach is willing to understand what is at work, they can help determine whether the individual is a good fit for the assignment. If not, the individual is not wrong. However, they do need to be reassigned. The coach needs to have courage to make this call, and handle the situation with ultimate respect as changes are made.

]]>