The reason to control stress February 12, 2008
Stress may be triggered by external events such as having a short timeframe, being yelled at by a customer, or giving an important presentation. It is your interpretation of the event or situation that will ultimately cause you to feel the mental and physical stress or anxiety.
Now, not all stress is bad stress. Stress is a part of everyday life. In the right amount, stress helps you focus better and achieve what you want. Stress can help you be more alert, motivated, and gain a competitive edge. However, non-stop stress is debilitating and will interfere with performance. In the worst situations, it can even kill you!
Stress occurs as a response to an event that you view as threatening. Imagine driving your car at 200 KPH on a windy road. Under the right amount of stress, you switch on your full potential. Under too much stress you crack under the pressure.
The sooner you can recognize the signs stress, the faster you can react and keep in under control.
So, how do you know when you need to hit the kill switch on stress?
There are three main areas where changes can occur under stress: (1) Physical, (2) Mental or Emotional, and (3) Behavioral.
Physical changes when under stress may include dry mouth, tense muscles, pounding heart rate, cold or clammy hands, headache, sweating, and a feeling of butterflies in the stomach. You probably feel these to some extent if you have an important presentation. These are the signs that your body is ready for the challenge.
Mentally you feel stress when you begin to worry excessively about results, make poor decisions, have a limited attention span, make mental errors, and are forgetful.
Other behavior signs of stress include talking faster than normal, biting one’s nails, restlessness, hyperactivity, insomnia, distractibility, and trembling.
By themselves, these signs may not even slow you down. These signs can stay around, and compound. This starts a chronic stress situation, you will seem tired, restless, and feel out of control. If this continues, more problematic physical issues might start.
The important lesson is that you can learn when helpful stress turns into harmful stress and be able to cope effectively. Bring that harmful stress back under control and be able to perform at your best. The key for you is to be aware of these signs and make the adjustments needed when you feel anxiety, tension, or stress. You can learn the skills needed to keep the balance, relax when you want, and stop the overwhelming stress.
If you’d like to know more, you can join in the survey, and then read more about stress reduction methods.
Technorati Tags: Business, Change, Psychology, Stress
How to build Self Confidence Part 2 February 18, 2007
This is the second part of how to build self confidence. You can find the first part here.
2. Proclaim your achievements
We can successfully do so many things. We too are great achievers. But part of the society we live in teaches us to brood over our failures and make our lives miserable. If we proclaim our success to everyone we meet, we are branded egotistical, self centered, or worse. Unfortunately this means we don’t proclaim our achievements, even to ourselves.
Society has also taught us that our failures are pointed out much more than success. When we were back in school, if we spelt a word correctly, we might have a tick. If we spelt it wrong we always got a cross. At work, if we do what is required we might receive a thankyou, if we don’t we get told about it every time.
Both of these reasons are why we need to support ourselves by focusing on our achievements much more than our failures.
And the easiest and most effective way to do this is every time we do something positive, good or worthwhile is to give ourselves encouragement. This doesn’t have to be at the end of a long achievement either. Sincerely congratulating yourself for starting to do your tax helps, for example. This positive re-enforcement when you make positive gains towards your goals works wonders and builds, little by little, our self confidence.
3. Feel good about yourself
No one can make us feel inferior without our permission. To boost our self-confidence first of all we must feel good about ourselves. To believe that we are a worthwhile being. The secret of all successful and happy living is to love oneself first.
When I am unhappy with myself I see unhappiness everywhere and I make all those around me unhappy. I must accept myself and feel good about the way I am, the way I look, my size, my shape, and my abilities.
So how do we feel good about ourselves? Through doing another exercise. When I offer the exercise to clients they laugh and say that would never work for them. Yet every time they have done the exercise, vast improvement has been made. Are you skeptical enough to do the exercise every day for a week? The exercise is very simple. Give yourself 5 compliments a day. They might be all in the morning, all 5 at night before bed, or spread through the day. It doesn’t matter about the type of compliment, or what it’s about. They do have to be about you, and sincere. Do the exercise and I promise your self-confidence will grow.
4. Find challenging goals
I’m a big believer in goals. Goals can do miracles in our lives. Greater the goals greater is our self-confidence. We should have both small goals and big goals. The achievement of small goals will give us enthusiasm and self-confidence to keep moving towards bigger and more challenging goals.
If we pick a goal that is too far outside our comfort zone, not only will we be unlikely to achieve the goal, but our self-confidence is disrupted. If the goal we set is too easy, while we are likely to achieve the goal, our self-confidence doesn’t improve.
Every time you achieve a small or large goal, congratulate yourself. Positive re-enforcement works much better than negative re-enforcement. I’ve talked about goals before here.
5. Add in commitment and passion
Our self-confidence depends on the degree of our commitment to a goal. If we are mediocre and half-hearted the result will be the same. Being able to commit ourselves to success and become passionate
about what we do, helps us dramatically. This passion and commitment also builds our self-confidence. When we have commitment and passion, backed up by knowledge and skills we become more self-confident. This in turn supports our commitment and passion.
So the bottom line, use these skills to improve your self confidence and you will indeed do miracles.
Technorati Tags: Business, CEO, Change, Goalsetting, Leadership, Management, Motivation, Persuasion, Presenting, Psychology, Self-Confidence
How to build Self Confidence Part 1 February 11, 2007
“Self-confidence gives you courage and extends your reach. It lets you take greater risks and achieve far more than you ever thought possible.”
~ Jack Welch
There is a common element in all individuals that get things done. That element is self-confidence. It enhances all our abilities to take greater risks and achieve more. Self-confidence extends your reach and makes you perform miracles.
Self-confidence is our attitude which gives us a positive views about ourselves. It helps us to trust our abilities and believe that we can achieve what we want.
Self-confident people have realistic expectations of themselves and others. Even if sometimes some of these expectations are not met we remain positive, accept ourselves and look optimistically to conquer
obstacles.
We feel good about ourselves even when others don’t appreciate and acknowledge our efforts. We don’t long for the approval of others, although getting approval still makes us feel good when it comes.
Self-confidence is contagious. Self-confident people instill similar confidence in others and at the same time gain the confidence of others.
Our self confidence is expressed in our behaviour, body language, the way we dress, talk, look, walk, what we say and think. Being self confident we are able to overcome out fears, accept the truth and live happy lives. That’s not to say bad things don’t happen, they do, but being self confident we know that we can overcome, survive and thrive.
The signs of low self confidence are feeling of guilt, skepticism, pride, fear, pretension, laziness, depression, pessimism, procrastination, doubt, and jealousy. A lack of self confidence will also come through our behaviour, for everyone to see.
Thankfully, there are ways to build our self confidence.
1. Have faith in yourself
Our self confidence increases when we believe in our abilities to perform. When we start a new endeveour, a new business or a new job, or in times of crisis there is always a concern about our abilities to perform. At those times we seem to forget our innumerable talents.
So how do you get faith? Faith is another way to describe unshakeable belief. The first step in gaining that unwavering belief in your abilities is to identify what our abilities are. So list them out - all of them. When I ask others to do this, they draw a blank, or write two or three things down. So I’ve developed a memory jogger list to help.
What are the things you enjoy doing?
What are the things other people tell you you are good at?
What are you good at doing?
List at least 5 natural talents that you possess.
List your qualifications.
List 5 things that you’ve done in the past that have surprised you.
What do you think is your greatest curse?
List the 5 biggest challenges in your life and how you overcame them (or continue to).
When you were half your current age, what did you enjoy doing?
When you were half your current age, what did other people say you were good at?
This list will help you re-discover your skills and abilities. Understand that every single item on this list has at least 3 other skills and abilities that are either a critical part, or associated with it. This list, every time you review or add to it builds faith in your present abilities and will boost
your self confidence.
This is a two part post. The second part which contains more methods on building your self confidence will be ready in about a few days.
Update: You can find the second part here.
Technorati Tags: Business, CEO, Change, Goalsetting, Leadership, Management, Motivation, Persuasion, Presenting, Psychology, Self-Confidence
How to silence your internal dialogue December 11, 2006
Your infernal internal dialogue can be brought under control. You might, at this time, think that it doesn’t slow you down that much. I can assure you, unless you have control over it, it does.
Some examples of how internal dialogue hamstrings you include:
- Reading speed is doubled if you don’t internally verbalise the words you are reading.
- You are able to reach a place of Flow much easier and your Flow states are extended (one of the most common interrupter of flow states is Internal Dialogue)
- It is often a common cause of insomnia.
- It impairs your learning by distracting you from the learning environment and by stuffing whatever the current topic is into what you already know (This is not what I consider learning).
- It often increases the stress you experience.
- It serves as a powerful de-motivator. How many times have you talked yourself out of something?
There are many more examples of how your performance can improve once you stop talking to yourself. Internal dialogue has it’s place I want you to understand that. Unfortunately most of us over use our internal dialogue, at the wrong times and wrong places.
I had breakfast the other day with friends who have an 8 month old child. I was awed by the silence in her (One of the common experiences that occurs when your internal dialogue is off, is that you can sense other people’s). She was simply there, watching, learning and experiencing the world. Of course, being 8 months old, she does not yet have the capability for any dialogue, let alone internal. And after reading Kathy Sierra I decided to build this list.
So without further delay, here is a list of methods you can use to get control over this internal dialogue. When I remember or find more, I’ll add them to the list. If you have any of your own, please add them in the comments!
- Restate your internal dialogue immediately after hearing it. This brings your internal dialogue under your conscious control by breaking the pattern.
- Move the location of your internal dialogue into your voice box. Most people listen to their dialogue coming from a specific location. Often from the back of their head and off to one side. Move that location to where you physically speak from and it usually silences the chat.
- You can also extend on #2 by moving the voice to different locations for different effects. Some locations work great for motivating you, others for de-motivating. Experiment.
- Further on #2 and #3, you can externalise the voice. Set up a chair, and hear the voice coming from that chair. You can then have a proper conversation with it!
- Pick a personal mantra, then use it. “Shut the hell up” is one such mantra:-)
- Not really a method, but helps understanding. Who, when your internal dialogue is chattering away, are you speaking to?
- Using the 6-step reframing method from NLP. This method uses a signal system to set up with your unconscious mind that allows you to negotiate the times and places to turn on or off your internal alogue.
- Imagining a volume control knob. Turn up the volume of your internal dialogue, and turn it all the way down.
- If you have internal dialogue that you don’t like very much, changing the tone often helps. Turn the tone into the most seductive, most sensual voice you can imagine. How do you feel about it now?
- While rare, sometimes the voice we hear is actually another voice - a parent for example. In these cases, give the voice back to the original owner.
- Writing out the words your internal dialogue speaks often helps. Usually it runs out of things to say very quickly. With critical statements, you can also then write out counter examples stating how untrue or over generalised these statements are.
- Act. If there is something that you want to do, for example talking to a stranger, hesitation will ensure you talk yourself out of whatever action you considered. If you hear that voice, ignore it and act.
- Remember the silence. While you read this sentence, I want you to read it out loud. Half way through a word in a sentence, pause. You mind will, naturally, go on silent hold. Remember this ‘feeling’ and you can bring it back when you want by doing the same with your internal dialogue. With proper practice, you can keep that pause indefinitely.
- Wide peripheral vision. Imagine you are balancing an apple on the top of your head. Now move the apple about 2 inches back. Keep your attention on the apple. Now look at the world around you and notice your hands on the keyboard, the top of the monitor, the walls on your left and right and the other objects around you. Notice them all at the same time. Chances are your internal dialogue has quietened down.
Add your comments with your own methods for silencing the harshest of critics!
Technorati Tags: Brain, Change, Communication, Learning, Motivation, Psychology, Stress
The Secret of Motivation November 20, 2006
The secret of motivation is the sequence of action:
Most people think the sequence is Motivation first, and then Action.
The real way it works is Action first, Motivation then follows.
So next time you need motivation for something, commit to do it for 5 minutes.
Kathy hints at this here
Seth mentions similar here
Technorati Tags: Brain, Business, Change, Communication, Motivation, Productivity, Psychology, Stress
Change the question about your performance. August 24, 2006
From:
“Am I good?”
to:
“What am I good at?”
Or in other words, focus on your strengths.
Technorati Tags: Change, Leadership, Learning, Productivity, Psychology, Training
Tips for remembering names July 12, 2006
43 folders has a few methods on how to remember names. Here is another…
This one involves engaging all of your main representational systems (visual, auditory and kinaesthetic) to ensure that if you forget one part, the other 2 will help you remember.
The method is very simple to describe, yet challenging to get right consistently at the start. This is mainly due to being a conscious habit in the beginning, and takes some effort to remember to perform it.
The technique is this: When you meet someone new, write their name on their forehead. Yeah, that sounds a little strange, and may offend some people when you pull out your permanent marker and start signing their name on their forehead.
But there are a few points. No need to pull out a pen, the important kinaesthetic part of the process is to, using small muscle movement, write out their name. This can be done with your hand in your pocket, or as you reach to shake their hand.
As you make those subtle movements, imagine the writing you make with your hand appear on the forehead. At the same time, either state their name to yourself again, or even better hear them saying their name.
This links everything together quite nicely. It links their face to their name, their voice to their name, their written name to their face, and various other combinations. Use it - let me know your results!
Technorati Tags: Business, Communication, Learning, Persuasion, Presenting, Psychology
Two tips that will improve your Memory June 4, 2006
Boosting your memory has many benefits: you improve your ability to respond to problems, are perceived as smarter by others, and get more done in less time. Not to mention never again being embarrassed by forgetting someone’s name, or even your mothers birthday. When I teach someone how to improve their memory, I work on a dual method approach. First I give you a drill to boost your overall memory and recall, and secondly a new memory strategy that automates recall of important events.
The drill is to be done every day. It takes no more than a few minutes when you start, and less than a minute as you get better at it. It will directly improve your memory, even through you may not think it will. If you want to improve your recall, I know of no other exercise or method that will work as well as this. If you happen to know of another that does work as well, or better, please let me know!
The drill is simply this: Remember something you did yesterday. Now remember the thing you did immediately before that thing. Repeat this four or five more times, each time remembering the thing immediately before. Once you’ve done that for yesterday, do the same process for the day before yesterday, then three days before, then four. Do this at least once a day, more if you are so inclined, and you’ll directly boost your memory.
Next is a strategy designed to improve memory of random events. Things like picking up milk on the way home and calling someone at a specific time. It can even be used to improve recall of someone’s name, but I know of a few better ones.
The strategy requires you to imagine the future event where you need to recall something in as much detail as possible. But not the event where you remember what you need to, but the events immediately before.
So, if I’m going to pick up some milk after getting off the train on the way home, I imagine my trip home at the specific part where I need to change my direction to get the milk. I then imagine myself turning right, instead of left, and going to get milk. That’s all there is to it. You’ve now created a hook to hang the memory on. This hook will wait for you in the future, and remind you at the right time.
There is a limitation with this method though. If I don’t reach that imagined event, say I catch a cab home instead of the train, then I won’t run into the hook, and this method won’t help me remember to get milk (though I might remember using a different strategy).
When you start using this method, it might take you 20 seconds or more to set up. With practice you can do it in under a second.
Technorati Tags: Brain, Learning, Productivity, Psychology
Do you know who has delegated your business? May 5, 2006
In a marriage, taking the stereotypical view, the husband mows the lawn and the wife does the cooking. While this specific example does not always hold true, I’m confident that those two jobs are tasked to a specific individual most of the time. Both jobs need to be done. Maybe the wife does both jobs, maybe the husband does both, maybe even the wife calls someone every two weeks to get the lawn mowed.
If you are married or in a long term relationship you will know this. If you are living alone, you need to do everything yourself. Once you share with a partner, you automatically begin to split the jobs. You might like to cook, but hate washing up. Maybe, in a few rare cases, you sat down with a pen and paper and actively split these jobs up. Most of the time you just fall into the stereotype.
Most of the time, we don’t really notice (habits are great things). Not until the other party leaves for a while or the relationship breaks up. Suddenly the pile of dirty dishes clogs the sink, clutters the bench, and begins to attract insects. It’s at those times we suddenly have twice the work, and only 1/2 the requisite skill.
What does this have to do with business? Nothing.
It does prime the pump because this behaviour happens in business - and if you think about it is exactly what business does; Delegate jobs.
So the jobs you do during your day - were they chosen for you, by you, or are you just following the stereotype?
Within in each marrige, relationship and business there is usually a hidden delegator. There are times when the delegators in business make themselves known. Here is a hint: When you run into difficulty and don’t know who can help, where do you go for help?
Technorati Tags: Brain, Business, CEO, Psychology
Social conditioning binding March 25, 2006
Steve Paulina has an interesting write-up about how you can get many benefits in your life by expanding your perspective.
You can read it here.
Interestingly, he does not talk about changing your perspective. Usually the most useful and powerful method to help you sell more, get you out of a depressed state, understand someone else’s motives, relieve stress, reduce performance anxiety, learn new skills and much much more.
I’m working on a nice write up of how to actually change your perspective in a useful and effective way. I’ll put a link up here once it’s finished…
Technorati Tags: Brain, Persuasion, Presenting, Psychology, Stress
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