How do you make decisions? March 18, 2008
If you are like most people, you don’t know the process you go through to make a decision. It happens quickly, naturally, and without our awareness.
The easiest ways to discover how you make a decision, is to take 4 of your friends out to dinner.
When you are handed a menu, place it closed in front of you and watch your friends. Notice how one might ask what someone else is going to have. Notice another might read through every item. Another might glance at the menu and close it. The fourth will do something different.
Once they have made their choice, pick on one of your friends with these questions. (I’ll leave the decision of which one to pick up to you, but if you’ve worked with me before, you’ll know my selection criteria).
“What have you chosen?” Listen closely to the answer. They will likely tell you everything about their decision process. Once they finish, ask:
“What made you choose that?” And again listen to their answer.
If you’re lucky, they’ll say something like “I looked through the menu till I found the dish I had before,” or “I opened the menu and picked the first thing I noticed.” If you’re unlucky, they’ll give you a long rambling story about their childhood. Both will tell you how they made that decision.
Now comes the real challenge. Pick up your menu and use their method to choose food for yourself. This doesn’t mean choose the same dish (although you might). If they choose something they have had before, then you do the same. If they choose the first thing they see, do the same.
Doing this can give you a powerful insight into your own decision method (and might have you eating something new - always a bonus!).
So after doing this, what does that get you?
- It gives you skills to notice someone else’s decision method. This in itself is useful for sales, negotiation, business or making your partner happy because if you know how someone makes a decision, simply give them the information they need to make the decision you want.
- You get insight into your own process. Even though you are only choosing what to eat, the chances are this is the same process you go through to pick a car, house, shoes or a pen.
- You now have another way to make a choice. Chances are you may not like this new method - thats ok, you don’t have to use it. You can keep it in your back pocket when you want a change, or are faced with a very difficult decision.
Notice how the people around you make decisions. Notice how you make your own decisions.
Technorati Tags: Business, CEO, Decisions, Group Dynamics, Learning, Management, Motivation, Negotiation, Persuasion, Psychology, Sales
Bad training gives information, good training gives skills May 29, 2007
I’ve been to many training sessions. In business and out. Most are glorified information transmission. The 8 hours I spent in the room would have been better spent with a book.
Then there are training for sales, negotiation, management, leadership that expect to transfer skills via this same method. The instructor stands in front of the class and lectures using powerpoint slides. Unfortunately a lecture is a very poor method to transfer skill (or anything else, for that matter). If you are lucky, you get a short, contrived exercise that gives you a false sense of the skill.
Even worse are these leadership and group bonding situations. They claim to improve group dynamics, yet all they do is have the group use exactly the same skills and behaviour in a different context. So if the group didn’t work in the office, chances are it’s not going to work outside.
Ideally, training requires a mix of theory combined with challenges and exercises. The theory is to transfer the “how” of the skill. The exercises designed to practice the theory, and the same time stretch the experience of the students and allow then to practice the “how”. The percentage of each needs to be managed with the outcomes of the course and current student skills.
The metaphor I like to use is: describe to someone how to ride a bike. You can read all the theory in the world, talk to BMX and Tour de France experts, and watch thousands of hours of video. Then, when you get on a bike you realise it’s not as easy as it looks. Learning how to ride a bike contains about 2 minutes of ‘theory’ (this is how you steer, this is how you go forward and stop). Then about 30 to 60 minutes of direct experience, trial and error. From then on, it’s practice.
So next time you attend a training seminar that claims to teach a skill ask yourself the question. “When I finish this training do I know how to ride a bike, or can I ride a bike?”
Communication is Manipulation March 26, 2007
Most people have this strange thought that manipulation is evil, bad, and should never be done. Unfortunately we can’t escape it.
I had a discussion with a sales manager the other day about some of the standard sales closing tactics. For example, do you want the product delivered on Thursday or Friday? This sales manager didn’t like to use these methods because he calls it manipulative.
It took me a little while to explain that all of sales is manipulative. That’s how sales people do their job. They manipulate their client into purchasing the product. In the end he understood when I explained that asking a question - or any communication - is manipulation. You’re changing the listeners state, getting them to accept your idea, alter their perspective or just sending their mind down a different path. For example: On what side are the hinges on your front door?
You have to stop your current thoughts, imagine your front door and then answer the question.
Now I’m sure to get many complaints and comments that sales people don’t manipulate, or that some do, but I don’t. These comments and complaints are another form of manipulation - attempting to get me to change my idea or alter my perspective (but send them anyway). I am doing the same manipulation back at you right now.
The reason it seems most people shy away from manipulation is because they think it removes freedom of choice. What really removes freedom of choice is when someone refuses to accept the responsibility for the manipulations they engage in. They’ll happily excuse away abusive behaviour because “it’s natural and genuine” or “that’s just how I am”. You’ll often hear “Genuine people don’t manipulate”. As some counter examples, Stalin was natural and Hitler was genuine. Being natural is no excuse for bad behaviour. So not only do these people limit the choices of people around them, they remove choices from themselves as well. Being responsible for your own communication creates more choice for you and your listeners.
All communication is manipulative whether it’s purposeful or not. All great communicators know this. Because of this knowledge these great communicators know they are responsible for the results of their communication. They know that when you talk with them, and you get benefit from it, you’ll do it again.
So how are your manipulating your listeners?
Technorati Tags: Business, Communication, Leadership, Management, Motivation, Negotiation, Presenting, Psychology, Sales