Stage fright’s frightening solutions September 24, 2009
So I was reading a blog on some methods for dealing with stage fright. Most of them are basic methods I describe, teach and use. Things like practice and preparation. However one particular one shocked and angered me.
They suggested taking drugs.
And not just something you can get over the counter (not that all of those are harmless) but a prescribed drug. Prescribed for an unrelated physical illness.
It’s very bad advice for many reasons, not the least of which is taking off label drugs for a problem that can be solved quickly and permanently via others methods. This really makes me angry and I find it difficult to express my anger fully in text. Let me try with a metaphor.
If you’re driving your car one day, and all of a sudden the oil light comes on, what do you do? Do you ignore it, check the oil levels yourself, take it to a garage, or place a piece of duct tape over the light?
If you were a mechanic, and someone described to you their solution to a warning light on their Ferrari dashboard was to cover it with tape, how would you react? That’s probably pretty close to how I feel.
Do you think taking drugs is a valid solution to stage fright?
What’s most important? September 17, 2009
I travel regularly. At least one week in two I’m out of home. This means I get to meet many new and interesting people and marvel at the different things they notice.
Of late, I’ve been wearing my Vibram barefoot running shoes for the plane trip. They are very comfortable (criteria #1) and contain no metal (so I don’t have to take them off going through security). They also attract alot of attention.
As I’m waiting for my bag to exit the carousel, a business man in a crisp suit comes up to me, stares at my feet and says, “What are they?”
I raise my right foot and wiggle my toes. “They are called barefoot running shoes.”
“I’ve never seen anything like them.”
“They are great. Very comfortable and good for your feet and posture.”
The next thing he says confuses me for a while. “Are you a podiatrist?”
We talk for a little more before he wanders off to grab his bag. Yet his question stays with me. What was his reason for asking something like that? What did that say about him?
In the end I realise because of the way he asked that he would never wear such different shoes. To him, doing something so strange would be worse than foot pain. To extend on that: His appearance is more important than his health.
Now I could be wrong, he might have been asking to confirm my qualifications before asking advice. Regardless its a good example of how different personal criteria makes a big difference in behaviour.
Think about your own life. What’s most important to you about your work? Is it the money (rare)? Is it the human interactions? Is it the chance to change the world or create something new? Doesn’t matter what it is at all. What matters is if you’re achieving that, or if you’re being frustrated.
Think about what you think is the most important thing for the people you work with. Is it the same, different or even in direct opposition?
Thinking outside the box September 10, 2009
Many people talk about doing it, but few can tell you _how_ to think outside the box.
One of the easiest methods is to ask questions. But not just any set of questions. Questions that are designed to force your thinking outside the box.
We, as humans, have been well trained that a question, any question, has an answer. We find it difficult to not answer a question. If we don’t know the answer we are often forced to say “I don’t know” as the actual answer. Use this to your advantage.
Below is a list of my favourite ‘out of the box’ questions. As you read them, think of a problem or issue you currently have. Also, as you ask them assume there is at least three different answers to each question.
“If I were to do X, how would I?”
“In what situations or context is this problem a benefit?” or “In what situation or context is this problem a solution to another problem?”
“How have I caused this?”
“If someone came to me with this problem, what advice would I give?”
As you read some of the questions, you may think they do not apply to you. These are the ones most likely to present you with ‘out of the box thinking’ – so make sure these are the ones you actually answer!
Fire-fighting and stress September 3, 2009
Problems occur regularly. Every single problem that occurs adds to your stress. Some people are able to anticipate these events, and prepare contingences. If you’re good at this, great, keep doing it! If not, you the following few tips might well help.
The best sequence to run through when your schedule has suddenly been ruined by an unforeseen problem is as follows
1. Stop and take a breath. Allow the initial biological effects of the shock and stress to recede. Take time to think.
2. Write down the problem before taking any action. This gives you extra time to breathe and will make sure that the problem is not forgotten as you attempt to fix it. That may sound strange, but how often do we go off half prepared, stressing over something that isn’t a real problem?
3. Get the facts of the problem. Just the facts you need to make the decisions now.
4. Delegate the tasks to achieve a solution where possible.
5. Develop a system to effectively deal with this problem in future. Recurring problems should be dealt with once, twice at most. After the second time, your should not have to deal with it again. When I was working as a technical consultant, I was what I call productively lazy. I would spend a week working to ensure I’d never have to spend another hour fixing an ongoing problem. Get productively lazy!
How to get an hour of free time August 26, 2009
If you have an office, and are constantly interrupted throughout the day, there is a simple thing you can do to get an hour or two uninterrupted.
Yes, an open door policy works well and can be good, however, it can distract and derail your thinking.
Invest in a $2 “Do Not Disturb” sign. While this does not always work, with training, the people in your office will get the message. You can also add a “Will return at X O’clock”.
Let everyone that visits the office know what you’re doing, and why.
Then be consistent. For example every three to four pm be unavailable. It might take a little time, but soon everyone will know you’re unavailable during those times.
When stressed, your brain stops. August 20, 2009
For many years I’ve been using this idea. And not just that the brain stops, but under ongoing stress, we become less likely to be able to make good decisions and de-stress ourselves. Another way to describe this is: The path to burnout. We become so stressed over time that we can’t think of any solutions. This is the exact situation I found myself in years ago.
Now there is some research that shows that when we are stressed, the brain changes in ways that keep us stressed! In short the researched shows that under chronic stress, the rats stopped making their usual decisions. Instead relying on their last choice – even when it didn’t serve.
I’ve seen this behaviour many times in the people I work with. They are so stressed, they miss vital information. This vital information is often in the form of feedback from the world in relation to their decisions. This feedback is not taken as information for a new decision but instead feeds straight into the stress. Increasing our stress and thus making our decisions even less useful. A vicious cycle. And the people I work with keep doing the same things that cause their stress at the same time they are unable to think of a way out.
As I’ve said many times before, if you’re trying to change your stress while under stress you’re fighting an uphill battle. First you need to catch a breath, make some space, or just take a break. Then you can learn and train the skills needed to keep that stress managed.
So here is the test: If you think you can’t make the decision to take a break or you don’t know how to take a break, you’re too stressed to make that choice! Your biology is working against you. If that’s the case, take a break RIGHT NOW. Stop what you’re doing and go for a 5 minute walk outside. It doesn’t matter if you’re in your pyjamas, or that it’s raining or snowing outside. Go for the walk, you need it more than another 5 minutes surfing the web.
Link to the research.
Link to the NY Times write up.
Indecision and Poor Decisions August 3, 2009
We make decisions every day. Some decisions are more important, and have different results than others. The decision does not have to be perfect. An incorrect, but immediate decision is usually better than a perfect and withheld decision. But think about it; there is no such thing as a perfect decision, there is only the best decision with the given information.
In every case, the immediate, incorrect decision will be more valid than a perfect unmade decision.
When I was learning to play golf many years ago, my teacher taught me: “When you are putting, having the ball go 3 feet past the hole is better than 1 foot short. Three feet past has a chance to go in, 1 foot short will never go in.” And when I’ve told other golfers this they sometimes argue with me and say things like, “if you putt too far to the left or right, it’s not going in”. This is true, and yet if you don’t put the ball past the hole there is zero chance of it ever going in.
Some tips for making good decisions.
1. Delegate where possible. This will give your employees more stake in the business, more responsibility, and save you work.
2. If the decision can’t be made immediately, set a date and time for when the decision will be made. Stick to this timeframe regardless and decide on or before that date (re-deciding to set another date might be valid).
3. Get only the facts you need to be right 75% of the time. If you think you know the best choice, you do. Make that decision now.
4. Courage is needed to make the decision and then act. Have that courage with the knowledge that if you get it wrong, you can always re-decide.
What other things do you think help in making decisions?
Who’s on your side? July 29, 2009
A year ago today I got access to an online group called Triiibes.com. The entire group, like me, joined without knowing what we were joining.
A short while before joining Seth Godin asked to pre-purchase his latest book (Tribes), sight unseen, to get access to the group, also sight unseen.
It was a leap of faith, and it was well worth the leap.
Over the year this diverse group has asked, given and shared advice, implemented many new businesses, made a difference and changed the world.
I’m constantly surprised and awed by the skill, expertise, humour, and support that flows freely.
We were on Seth’s side in the beginning. Willing to support him in an unknown adventure. I suspect it grew much larger and further than he ever expected. And now, a year later, the Triiibe members have bonded and are helping each other to do and be more. That kind of support is needed in any environment.
Call it your mastermind, friends, associates, or mentors. This group is willing to listen to your problems, and share their own. Willing to offer you suggestions, and implement yours. Be able to honestly and openly communicate, even when it’s difficult. All of this came for me with a leap of faith a year ago. These are the people who are on my side.
Who’s on your side?
P.S. For more reading on the Triiibes experience from others, have a look here.
Stress can happen anytime. Are you ready? July 14, 2009
Last Sunday evening and Monday morning were very stressful for me.
A friend of mine was getting married on the Sunday. This is stressful for the bride, groom, wedding party, parents and maybe the ex’s. This wasn’t at all stressful for me. It was a very beautiful ceremony and I was proud and honored to be there. The stress started once I left.
I needed to fly to Perth from Sydney. I needed to leave Sunday night for several reasons. First because Sydney closes their airport between 10pm and 6am on Sunday. Second because to leave in the morning the 4+ hour flight time to Perth doesn’t get me there till after 9am when I was due to start training.
My Sunday flight leaves at 7:20pm. That means I need to get there, absolute latest at 6:55. I leave the wedding at 6:00 thinking with 5 minutes to get a cab and a 20 minute ride, I have plenty of time.
Little did I know how difficult that would be.
First off, there seemed to be that every taxi either ignored me, or were already busy, driving right by. For 30 minutes I stood in the cold wind trying to flag down a cab, getting more and more concerned about missing my flight.
I was constantly re-assuring myself that I still have time, that it’ll all be ok. That I’ll get the flight.
Finally, at 6:30, I get in a cab. We have a brief talk and he, being local and a taxi driver, that we ‘might just make it’. I’m reassured by this for about 3 minutes before I start fretting again. For twenty five minutes I flip between being relaxed and enjoying the drive to tense anxiety of missing my flight. I breathe, relax, and calm myself after every wave of anxiety.
I arrive just as the news on the radio starts. 6:00 pm. “Might just make it” I think…
I enter the terminal to find sets of lines in front of every counter. Bolstered by my anxiety I stroll past everyone in the first class line straight to the next available attendant.
“I hope I’m can still get on the Perth flight,” I say.
The attendant types a few keys. “No. The flight closed,” he looks at his watch, “10 minutes ago.” My heart sinks. He thinks for a moment and then looks at my usual giant check in luggage.
(In hindsight, this might have been an opportunity for me to get on the flight, leaving my luggage behind (and shipped the following day) I didn’t ask if that was possible because in that instant I was more focused on me rather than the attendant.)
“Is there any chance I can get on the flight?” I ask hopefully.
“None. The system is all automatic, it’s closed.” He replies.
“No chance at all?” I ask for the third time. Third time’s a charm, as they say, and usually is.
“None. Sorry. Let me see if there is a later flight.” I wait, knowing full well that my flight is still filling and that the next flight is tomorrow morning. I still hope I can get on this plane. “The next flight is ten past six tomorrow morning. You’ll have to talk to our sales desk to get it changed.”
I sigh. Then smile and thank the attendant. Walking to the sales desk I scold myself in frustration and anger. This is short lived as I sigh again, this time loudly. I shake my arms and legs as I wait in line at the sales desk flicking off the nervous energy I generated during the taxi ride.
At the sales desk, thankfully, there are 2 seats left for the flight. I hand over my credit card and head back to another taxi.
When I get home, I make a bunch of phone calls, booking another taxi for the morning, calling the hotel I was going to be arriving at in about 5 hours time, calling the organisers for the week to let them know I’ll be late. I then spend another few minutes laughing and moving around the house while I think of the situation. This burns off the last of the remaining negative emotion and energy of the last ninety minutes.
I sleep fitfully, waking several times to look at the clock to make sure I’ve not overslept. Each time I do, I remind myself to relax, sleep fully and with pleasant dreams until 5 am. I’m still out of bed 10 minutes before the alarm.
I shower, shave, get dressed, repack into carry on luggage and prepare for the taxi. I’m relaxed and resigned to arriving at the training late.
That’s when I notice an SMS from the cab company. Taxi has been waiting for 5 minutes. I look out, but don’t see it. My heart skips a beat as I realise it probably waited for a few minutes, then left.
I call the cab company to find out what happened. They call me back a few minutes later to say there was a problem with the cab. Time is now 5:15 and my anxiety starts to rise. I have a 10 minute taxi ride from home to the airport and 25 minutes to get there. “Still plenty of time” I say to myself as I pace up and down the footpath waiting.
“The taxi says they are 15 minutes away,” The cab operator tells me.
“That’s going to be too late,” I say. “Contact other another taxi as well for me, please. Call me back with details.”
Time ticks slowly past 5:20. Then 5:21. Then 5:22. My anxiety is now high in my chest. I can feel my heart pushing against my ribs, and then my phone rings.
“Yes?”
“The driver tells me he’s less than two minutes away.” The taxi operator says.
“He’d better be,” I say with as much mirth as I can before hanging up.
True to their word, the cab arrives 2 minutes later. Time is now 5:25, and we’re pushing it. The cabbie is apologetic, but does his best to get me there on time.
By luck or intent, we catch every single green light. I know, I counted. We arrive at the airport at exactly 5:38. I grab my carry on bags and race to the counter. On the way I pause to use the automatic check in. This fails to work, giving me an error that was probably along the lines of ‘flight closed’. To be honest I didn’t take any notice, but again rushed to the start of the first class queue.
“I’m hoping, again, to get on the Perth flight.” As I say with deep concern that I again missed the flight.
Tap. Tap. Tap. “Any baggage to check?”
At this point I feel my shoulders release and my face slacken, I made it! “No.” I reply.
I made it. Just. After 2 minutes getting through the security check, and another 3 to walk to the gate I arrive to find the gate open and a line forming. I sigh, relaxing.
Stress can happen any time. If I had not, prior to this event, practiced the various methods of stress reduction I used, it’s unlikely I would have been able to keep my stress from overwhelming me.
I practice these things when I don’t need them, so when I do need them they are available. Practice like your life depends on it – because it usually does. My Sunday night, Monday morning and the rest of the week would have been vastly different if I didn’t.
What do you practice?
More stress is better! July 9, 2009
Day to day, I train people to do new things.
Every day is different, and yet every day I’m helping someone break out of their comfort zone, expand their boundaries, learn and grow.
All across the internet you can find articles, posts and comments about how to overcome stress. Thing is, stress is good! The more stress the better!
Well, there is an upper limit. Too much stress can and does kill. As long as you handle the stress, the more the merrier.
Take for example the Olympics. Most, if not all of the world records set are set when the Olympics are on. Combined with the world championship, very few happen elsewhere. Even the athletes so called ‘personal best’ is usually broken when under the pressure of the final. Why is this?
One reason is that stress expands capacity. If you were a body builder and only ever lifter 1kg weights, you’ll rarely reach your full potential. Only when you lift more than before, stretch beyond your best, reach further than before, step outside your comfort zone, add extra stress to your performance do you get better.
Push past your comfort zone regularly. Don’t do it continuously, that’s a sure way to burnout! But push yourself, respond to the demand then relax. The more you can do this, the faster and better you’ll get…
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